I need to have a sort of revamp of this dusty little web space. I read my past posts and it never occurred to me how self-absorbed and stubborn I was (and I think I still am). But having too much angst and knowing that the people will just necessarily be rocks as I try to share my contemplations about the mishaps I am currently surrounded by and that no one can ever say a decent thing that would legitimately make me feel better and would twist my psychotic mind back to order, just drew the borderline for me. Besides, this profanity is sort of therapeutic. It's better because once I log out of this web space, I immediately snap out of my inebriation. In this light, I officially declare myself a nonentity. Before I bid goodbye to Lone Syndrome V.1.0, can someone just please lend me a shoulder snug enough? Lately even my trusty decades-old pillow has started to become bleak.

First off, my grades rode a bullet coaster. One moment it's at this peak of pure bliss and then you realize that eventually, the cart will have to go down. Education can sometimes rip me off from my privilege and right to learn. I thought teachers are supposed to teach? The most nonsensical of all things would be learning on my own.  I need my teacher to friggin T-E-A-C-H, not their fucking handouts. They could all eat them for all I care. It's pretty tough for an educationally-struggling student like me especially when the foundation you were supposed to have a solid grasp of was unfortunately broken before it was even built. And we all tell ourselves to not blame our professors, well please rule me out of that hypocrisy. This semestral break makes me feel like I'm deranged because I hate it. I hate the part that we get to have this 3-week long break and all we do is stare in front our computer, eat and oversleep. I'd throw all these away in place of good education. A serious learning experience. The frequent class suspensions made me so pissed off. I'd gladly swim in the flood. I just need to be educated. I need to be assured the the money my father worked hard for to pay for my tuition is getting its bloody worth. But it's not! I may not be smart for a food technology student but I am diligent (did I just say that?). The problem I have with these "teachers" is that they will always expect that their students are smart, or for the least have common sense. But can someone explain to me how computing for resolution in the formed peaks in chromatography is so "common sense" that it needs no explanation? 

This may be the worst thing I can do but I only had one reaction to those "teachers" who will slap their students with piles of handouts to read for themselves without teaching so they can finish their proposed outline on time, given the suspensions:

Now these aren't reflections of what this student learns and does in her school. It's a reflection of what she does in the house and learns from google and youtube (which are helpful, if all else fails). Oh what a world. It has been three days since I effortlessly opened myuste portal for the first half of the year. Highest was computer. Not too bad, not too bad for a subject I was practically asleep the entire time or randomly googling rainbows, unicorns, and what-have-you. Not to mention food chem, nutrition, and physics - the subjects I barely gave a look or two. And I end up getting these precious  digits. In calculus, I won't be hypocritical. I'm generally a better student in math that I can quite handle the exams well while still being fresh. Quite a shame. My irritancy, acne, and charcoal eye-luggages were born from food processing and food analysis. You can say they were products of hard work but judging from what you can see above, they were never enough.

Leave me a rose | 0 roses left.