"Not the needle, nor the thread, the lost decree. Saying nothing, that's enough for me."
Woods by paumatias
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Sana, isang sana pa.
Off to the Land of Maple Thursday, July 13, 2017 @ 8:08 AM In less than a month, I will finally pursue what my heart has been desiring for years.
And the thought of leaving you behind all the more makes me feel more alone and unloved. We're at this point where I cannot blame you enough for the mess you did in your application, but they are all done and in the hands of someone who has the final say.
I don't know what will happen from here. August 9, 2017 might be the biggest, life-changing event for me, but I am hopeful that it will be for the better.
How does one find happiness @ 8:04 AM I can't believe how it took me two years to finally be "blogging" again in this personal space. I guess nothing much exciting has been going on in my life in the last two years that are worth remembering, save for my US vacation two months ago. It's as if I'm just wasting away time and counting the days that pass by.
Hmm. In about 3 more months, I'm going to be 26 years old. I did not even remember what it was like to be living at 24, and I'm afraid I won't remember anything from my 25th year.
I have come to realize that I wasted so much time sitting in front of my office desk, living life safely in my blanket of comfort. I was too afraid to come out of this world I live in. I am making money from a stable job, yes. I am starting to transition from single life to domestic partnership en route to marriage, yes. I have first dibs on what to eat for dinner, yes. I was able to purchase my dream digital piano using the product of my hard work, yes. My parents finally shifted to a less volatile business, yes. I have to say that at the age of 25, my life is supposed to be at its highest point. Ask me four or five years ago and I will say that this was what I envisioned to be a happy, content life.
But then reality struck me so hard that at this state in my life, I should already be alarmed. Living conditions in the Philippines are terrible, unless you are born financially capable. Living domestically with a partner opened my eyes on what it really means to make ends meet. We're trying so hard to align our salaries with the local cost of living. I have mastered the art of trying to cook a decent meal equivalent to four meals with a budget of 250 pesos, which in a sense is an accomplishment but in reality is just a mere reflection of how life is like in this country.
Cutting the crap, my life is just waking up, working, and going home uninspired. My partner and I only have enough to get us through our daily needs. Well, we sort of moved out of our respective homes at the age of 24, a practice uncommon in the conservative, eyebrow-raising Filipino culture wherein your child will live under your roof for as long as he/she can, or wants to. My partner and I tried to think ahead and differently because we don't want to waste money on annulment shall we decide we hate each other by the time we've already tied the knot. Moreover, we want to be responsible adults and experience what it really is like to live without feeding off of our parent's groceries and not having to pay utility bills. And because of this, we are left behind with our iPhone 5's in a sea of iPhone 7's, because...priorities.
I have now transitioned into a new work but sadly it's making me all the more lethargic in life.
The transition of technological dependency is something that has stripped me off from my pursuit of higher knowledge and my deep-seated desire to re-learn piano and memorize all chords so I can play those soul notes I love hearing on keys. I wake up next to my love who would watch Youtube videos and chat on Facebook before even taking his breakfast.
What has become of us? And more importantly, why am I suddenly feeling as if I am no different than the rest?